Temptation is before me. It is strong. I am hearing that wretched little voice taunting me, telling me that it would make me feel better. I almost smile thinking of what it would be like in that moment. I am on the verge of jumping, falling into the pit on iniquity.
I am away for a couple of days on retreat. I am alone with my bible, my God, my laptop and the various wild animals about. I am in my magical place, my dad’s home in the sierra foothills outside of Yosemite. It is my place of renewal. I always hear from God here. I rest here. I take care of myself here.
It is so peaceful looking out the window at the trees, the deer that stop to nibble on fallen acorns and the oversized squirrel digging up its hidden treasures in the dirt-filled flower pots on the back deck. I remember my dad here and almost see his face, hear his voice.
It is my special place removed from the daily realities of life and stress. There is no dog here to be fed or wake me up in the middle of the night to go out. There is no child here to be dressed, fed, lunch made followed by the mad dash to school, the pick up after school, the homework, and the nighttime rituals. There is no husband here. He is home taking care of those things that are not here.
My euphoria is disrupted this morning by a phone call. It is daughter calling on her way to school to tell me she misses me and loves me. It is husband sounding rushed to get to the classroom before the door closes and a promise of a call on his way back home. I can hear the strain in his voice.